Everybody needs a way to make the world a bit smaller. The world is damn big. Okay, yeah, yeah, that one's pretty obvious, but I don't mean in area or vastness or any sort of measurement. I mean it in a "holy shit I'm only one of 7 billion" kind of way.
In high school, my world was small. I'm sure yours was, too. Everyone's was. That's part of the reason grade school is so snug and safe. You spend every day with the same people. I was the type to be friends with anyone and everyone--I had tight knit groups of friends who I got to spend the whole day with, running through the halls, snickering in classrooms, planning pranks on our friends. My world was small and so was my high school.
I was worried that when I got to college I would be swept up into a sea of strangers and would never really have a tight knit group again. I need people. I love people so damn much (maybe too much!)--I always want to be with them. People are a huge part of my happiness and without them, I don't know how often I'd be able to genuinely smile in a day. I need companionship and closeness and people to be way too open with. I love seeing the same people every day and becoming closer with them. Day after day, until they become family. For this, I am grateful for the marching band.
Marching band has been a lot of ups and downs. I have been pushed past what I thought were my physical and mental limits many times. I have performed with 2 hours of anxious sleep and stomach viruses (a sincere apology to the toilets in Camp Randall) and tears in my eyes and pinched nerves and heartbreak. But I had to ignore those things. I guess that's why they tell ya to eat a rock (and you don't even get water until AFTER to wash it down!) I have redefined what I thought I was capable of handling--especially mentally. Band has taught me that I am stronger, more durable, and more capable than I ever knew.
Before band, "no" was an okay thing to tell myself. But now, "no" is not an answer I let my body or my mind have in band, and I proved to myself that I did not need the safety net of that word. Instead, I replaced "no" with "keep going." Genuinely, I don't think anything else in the world could have taught me just quite what band has taught me.
I am very proud of what band has taught me and shown what me I can and will do, but I am even prouder of the people I have met through it.
Rank 22 (two-two!) truly became a family this year. As much as we bicker and purposely try to get on each other's nerves, we are a family. We are such a dang mixed bunch, such unlikely personalities to become friends--but they are some of the best friends I have made through band. I am going to miss the dynamic we had this year for the rest of my life.
In an anthropology class I took last year, we talked about bonds. Family and friendship bonds--like kinship. What is your duty to your kin? Your family, your friends?
Your rank, if you choose to let those crazy people into your personal life--if you choose to breach past the time constraints of every day practice and open up conversations that span far past Friday night rank dinners and small talk, your rank will become kin. And it is the best feeling. I trust my rank with so much--too much. Seriously, TOO much. I trust them with my emotions, my feelings, my stories, maybe too many of my embarrassments, and I trust them to take care of me. Because well, that's just what you do for each other. I know that whatever paths we all take, and wherever we end up in the future, crossing paths will be met with fond memories and laughter, not half-enthusiastic waves and small talk.
It's so funny to me to look back and see how much we have grown. I know damn well that when I was first put into rank 22, my personality was not, well, entirely welcomed. There were definitely some growing pains. I have heard that my personality was a bit too big and...loud and they honestly didn't know what to do with me. I was definitely a bit outspoken. Hence, my "band name."
Even my music charting didn't fit. I would (and still do) write people's names who I march by (ex: follow Josie), and the word "line" appears frequently in my music to try and remind future, confused marching me where I'm 'sposed to be. (I'm...always supposed to be in a line. That is definitely a personal low.) Thank GOD they were forced to keep me. They warmed up to me, I warmed up to them. A lot of roasting was involved. But, they became the people I went to after heartbreak, the people I went to when I needed support. And now, our rank dinners are filled with laughter and secret sharing and genuine talks and sometimes tears. They are filled with kinship and strange dares and oversharing and most importantly, Goldschlogger.
I don't do band for the marching, god no. I don't do band for the music. I've heard enough 1812 for a lifetime. And I definitely don't do band because I am super passionate about playing the trumpet. My arms are begging me to stop. "Just above parallel" is not my friend.
I do band for the people. My rank, my friends, the people I march near. I do band because of the once in a lifetime companionship that it has given me. Not just the moments of happiness, but the happiness in the people that I have found, too. I never thought that locking my back leg and pointing my toe would give me such a home, despite the sore muscles. And I certainly never thought that the people who have pushed me and intimidated me the most, have also been the ones I love the most. Thank you, 22.
In high school, my world was small. I'm sure yours was, too. Everyone's was. That's part of the reason grade school is so snug and safe. You spend every day with the same people. I was the type to be friends with anyone and everyone--I had tight knit groups of friends who I got to spend the whole day with, running through the halls, snickering in classrooms, planning pranks on our friends. My world was small and so was my high school.
I was worried that when I got to college I would be swept up into a sea of strangers and would never really have a tight knit group again. I need people. I love people so damn much (maybe too much!)--I always want to be with them. People are a huge part of my happiness and without them, I don't know how often I'd be able to genuinely smile in a day. I need companionship and closeness and people to be way too open with. I love seeing the same people every day and becoming closer with them. Day after day, until they become family. For this, I am grateful for the marching band.
Marching band has been a lot of ups and downs. I have been pushed past what I thought were my physical and mental limits many times. I have performed with 2 hours of anxious sleep and stomach viruses (a sincere apology to the toilets in Camp Randall) and tears in my eyes and pinched nerves and heartbreak. But I had to ignore those things. I guess that's why they tell ya to eat a rock (and you don't even get water until AFTER to wash it down!) I have redefined what I thought I was capable of handling--especially mentally. Band has taught me that I am stronger, more durable, and more capable than I ever knew.
Before band, "no" was an okay thing to tell myself. But now, "no" is not an answer I let my body or my mind have in band, and I proved to myself that I did not need the safety net of that word. Instead, I replaced "no" with "keep going." Genuinely, I don't think anything else in the world could have taught me just quite what band has taught me.
I am very proud of what band has taught me and shown what me I can and will do, but I am even prouder of the people I have met through it.
Rank 22 (two-two!) truly became a family this year. As much as we bicker and purposely try to get on each other's nerves, we are a family. We are such a dang mixed bunch, such unlikely personalities to become friends--but they are some of the best friends I have made through band. I am going to miss the dynamic we had this year for the rest of my life.
In an anthropology class I took last year, we talked about bonds. Family and friendship bonds--like kinship. What is your duty to your kin? Your family, your friends?
Your rank, if you choose to let those crazy people into your personal life--if you choose to breach past the time constraints of every day practice and open up conversations that span far past Friday night rank dinners and small talk, your rank will become kin. And it is the best feeling. I trust my rank with so much--too much. Seriously, TOO much. I trust them with my emotions, my feelings, my stories, maybe too many of my embarrassments, and I trust them to take care of me. Because well, that's just what you do for each other. I know that whatever paths we all take, and wherever we end up in the future, crossing paths will be met with fond memories and laughter, not half-enthusiastic waves and small talk.
It's so funny to me to look back and see how much we have grown. I know damn well that when I was first put into rank 22, my personality was not, well, entirely welcomed. There were definitely some growing pains. I have heard that my personality was a bit too big and...loud and they honestly didn't know what to do with me. I was definitely a bit outspoken. Hence, my "band name."
Even my music charting didn't fit. I would (and still do) write people's names who I march by (ex: follow Josie), and the word "line" appears frequently in my music to try and remind future, confused marching me where I'm 'sposed to be. (I'm...always supposed to be in a line. That is definitely a personal low.) Thank GOD they were forced to keep me. They warmed up to me, I warmed up to them. A lot of roasting was involved. But, they became the people I went to after heartbreak, the people I went to when I needed support. And now, our rank dinners are filled with laughter and secret sharing and genuine talks and sometimes tears. They are filled with kinship and strange dares and oversharing and most importantly, Goldschlogger.
I don't do band for the marching, god no. I don't do band for the music. I've heard enough 1812 for a lifetime. And I definitely don't do band because I am super passionate about playing the trumpet. My arms are begging me to stop. "Just above parallel" is not my friend.
I do band for the people. My rank, my friends, the people I march near. I do band because of the once in a lifetime companionship that it has given me. Not just the moments of happiness, but the happiness in the people that I have found, too. I never thought that locking my back leg and pointing my toe would give me such a home, despite the sore muscles. And I certainly never thought that the people who have pushed me and intimidated me the most, have also been the ones I love the most. Thank you, 22.
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