The night I got rejected from my dream college. The worst night, but the best thing to happen to me.

      My senior year of high school, I was not accepted into UW-Madison. I was terrified of going there in the first place, but I was determined to be the first one in my family to go to university straight after high school. I wanted to make myself and my parents proud. And, well, I'll admit I TOTALLY wanted to rub it in to one of my older brothers, Cale. Hey, siblings, don't blame me!
      When I found out, I was already drunk. I was in a high school acquaintances basements surrounded by other teenagers I barely knew, drunkenly slung across brown couches in a dimly lit, mid-remodeled basement. I had been drinking half filled booze bottles stolen from parent's liquor cabinets, paired with the typical high school red solo cup and warm, flat soda mixers. My vision was blurry, I was loud, and I played ping pong by myself, mostly convinced I was winning. I definitely was. Me: 2, me: 1.
      A high school acquaintance got the email of acceptance first. She was overjoyed, but I couldn't help but feel a sense of anxiety about checking my email. My best friends told me to wait until I got home, but I am impulsive and hate waiting, and also happen to have selective hearing. I checked my email. I re-read the words through drunkenly blurred vision, "we regret to inform you..." too many times. I had my friends read it to me aloud. I couldn't grasp the reality. What? I had been an AP student, maintained a good GPA, been in just about every club, and considered myself a pretty passionate go-getter. I didn't understand.
       I sobbed the rest of the night. Honestly, it was SUPER embarrassing. I cried SO hard that the whole party became about comforting my sloppy ass. I was heaving with tears, snot dripping off the tip of my nose, reaching for liquor bottles to help me cope. Not a cute look. I tried pouring vodka into my mouth but my friends wouldn't let me. Oh my gosh, so dramatic, girl. The whole night my best friends hugged me and rubbed my back while I whispered that I didn't want to tell my parents, that I was afraid they'd be disappointed in me.
      When I look back, the world seemed so small in that moment. Like there was only one right path for me. But truthfully, life throws ya curve balls and they tend to be the best things that could've happened to you. The best things are the unplanned. I can't believe that I truly believed that not being accepted into a university would alter my life so significantly, or ruin my life even. I was close minded and focused on the stereotypical idea of what my home town had taught me "achievement" looked like. But I had no idea what I would gain from this rejection.
      Oh my oh my if I could just go back and talk to my past self. I thought that this rejection from UW-Madison would ruin my college experience. All of my closest friends would go off to school together and forget about me. I'd be stuck in the same spot I was in high school. I'd be stagnant in life, and they would all grow and make new friends. I would be a thing of the past to them. I was terrified. Wow, how little I knew back then! I was close-minded about my future. The night of the rejection felt like the worst night ever. It still genuinely embarrasses me to think about how narrow minded my view was on the world at that point.  Little did I know that the email I received that night would push me onto a path that was necessary for me to become who I am as an individual today.
   

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