I'm not one to lie or hide my feelings. I'm stuck with the painful personality trait of having to tell everyone I encounter, EVERYTHING. TMI does not exist in my world, and I'm glad it doesn't. I am comfortable and relish in sharing the worst, excruciatingly detailed parts of me with just about anyone. Ask me about my bowel movements anytime. Or not. I doubt you want to know, but I am happy to share! Anyways, that's not the point. I mean I should definitely take it easy on the fast food, but recently, life has been a bit rough.
I am learning a lot about myself through my first almost, or not quite, heart break. I'm not quite sure what it is yet. I could feel something was off for the past two weeks, but I didn't expect what was to come. The words hit hard. I felt like I was not quite consciously there. I nodded and stumbled through "yeahs" and "okays." I tried to hold it together. As transparent as I can be, it felt good to pretend I didn't desperately hurt. I even smiled and laughed with him a bit. But once I stepped out the door, oh boy.
I genuinely think I might have backed into his bike rack with my car. Not on purpose! But, well, tight spaces, big bar. I got stuck in a mud patch, scratched my car against a gate and an oak tree, and probably sounded like I was trying to wreck his yard in a fit of anger. I was desperately hoping he didn't hear any of the chaos outside of my poor driving and his narrow yard. Now that I look back on it, it's kind of a funny situation. But, my eyes were blurred with tears and salt filled my mouth. I called one of my best friends, Grace and it was the longest drive I have ever driven back home. I cried hysterically in the stale silence of my car. I wanted to go anywhere but home, I wanted to escape the feeling or be in my best friends' arms. Caitlin called and came to Grace's right away stocked with corn dogs and a shake. Grace was standing, ready with hot chocolate and a hug. Her mom, too. I love those gals. Thank you for all you do for me.
I cried for a long time to them. Stuffed onto couches in a cozy dark basement filled with early high school memories. I felt better after a bit. It meant a lot to me that I had both of my best friends there immediately. There are always people who will care for you. I am ready to be there for them next time.
That night I cried myself to sleep. I found I whisper to myself when I'm hurting. I mumbled to myself through shallow gasps to go to sleep, that I would be okay. I eventually fell asleep.
The next morning, I felt empty. I did not want to be alone. I went to school early and walked into the Clarion newspaper office at Madison College, only to be greeted by hugs and open arms from my friends. I am so eternally grateful that I became an editor at the Clarion this year. That chaotic office with those loving people has become a true home for me. I cried and they listened. They talked with me and offered wonderful advice. I made it through the day. In my statistics class, my friend Nikki brought me candy. I felt a bit better.
Yanno, a lot of people say you won't make friends at community college. I used to say that. I used to tell a lot of people that it is difficult to make friends here. But I say quite the opposite now.
I went home. One day done.
I am learning a lot about myself through my first almost, or not quite, heart break. I'm not quite sure what it is yet. I could feel something was off for the past two weeks, but I didn't expect what was to come. The words hit hard. I felt like I was not quite consciously there. I nodded and stumbled through "yeahs" and "okays." I tried to hold it together. As transparent as I can be, it felt good to pretend I didn't desperately hurt. I even smiled and laughed with him a bit. But once I stepped out the door, oh boy.
I genuinely think I might have backed into his bike rack with my car. Not on purpose! But, well, tight spaces, big bar. I got stuck in a mud patch, scratched my car against a gate and an oak tree, and probably sounded like I was trying to wreck his yard in a fit of anger. I was desperately hoping he didn't hear any of the chaos outside of my poor driving and his narrow yard. Now that I look back on it, it's kind of a funny situation. But, my eyes were blurred with tears and salt filled my mouth. I called one of my best friends, Grace and it was the longest drive I have ever driven back home. I cried hysterically in the stale silence of my car. I wanted to go anywhere but home, I wanted to escape the feeling or be in my best friends' arms. Caitlin called and came to Grace's right away stocked with corn dogs and a shake. Grace was standing, ready with hot chocolate and a hug. Her mom, too. I love those gals. Thank you for all you do for me.
I cried for a long time to them. Stuffed onto couches in a cozy dark basement filled with early high school memories. I felt better after a bit. It meant a lot to me that I had both of my best friends there immediately. There are always people who will care for you. I am ready to be there for them next time.
That night I cried myself to sleep. I found I whisper to myself when I'm hurting. I mumbled to myself through shallow gasps to go to sleep, that I would be okay. I eventually fell asleep.
The next morning, I felt empty. I did not want to be alone. I went to school early and walked into the Clarion newspaper office at Madison College, only to be greeted by hugs and open arms from my friends. I am so eternally grateful that I became an editor at the Clarion this year. That chaotic office with those loving people has become a true home for me. I cried and they listened. They talked with me and offered wonderful advice. I made it through the day. In my statistics class, my friend Nikki brought me candy. I felt a bit better.
Yanno, a lot of people say you won't make friends at community college. I used to say that. I used to tell a lot of people that it is difficult to make friends here. But I say quite the opposite now.
I went home. One day done.
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